Please Turn Off All Devices, Now

By Sue Collins, RN, co-suthor OK Now What? A Caregiver’s Guide to What Matters

Most of us have encountered this situation while shopping, especially in a grocery store. There is a person holding a cell phone talking loudly. The phone is pointed toward the selection of pretzels on the shelf, and the shopper asking the one on the phone which brand they prefer. Makes one immediately wonder: How did they ever manage grocery shopping prior to cell phones. This action is disruptive, can cause surrounding shoppers to lose their train of thoughts about their own purchase lists, and simply want to exit the aisle as fast as possible – even if the loud shopper is right where you want to be! In a word: the situation is annoying. 

Now, imagine being a person with a terminal illness lying in bed with a room full of family or friends. All of these people are on a device, sharing information among themselves because your eyes are closed, a definite signal that you want to rest.

Go a step further: imagine a person in bed in a hospice inpatient unit. Visitors have brought food – for themselves. The sounds of crumbling wrappers and slurping drinks are amplified in the silence (except for the fast-moving fingers on cell phones). You are the patient, the person who is coming to terms with letting go of the life you’ve lived here, trying to rest, to stay calm, but to also connect with the people you love the most, who are in this room with you, and who are there but not present.

Sitting quietly, either alone or with someone else, especially with something who is in hospice, can seem daunting. Often, I see people at restaurants, walking, in a park looking down at some device. They are not present.  

Research has shown that even when human beings are in a coma (or coma-like state) they can often hear what’s going on around them. Having a loud conversation on the speaker of their phone, as grocery-store shopper was doing, is intrusive. And yet I’ve seen it myself in a situation where each moment is potentially important.

 The distraction of devices removes us from a situation that may not be comfortable but is important. Visitors who are focused not on the moment, but on a device can miss great opportunities and the noise and distraction often negatively impacts the loved one.

 Sitting quiet with a terminal loved one can be crippling for many, not knowing what to say or how to act. It’s hard to look at the physical changes. But for those who have pushed through their anxieties, I have seen that they are forever changed, and they often express gratitude.

 So, when visiting a terminally ill loved one, turn off all devices. And connect.